Note: Still drunk.

And to think, all this time,
I’ve been living in a fool’s paradise
I’ve been lying to myself
Saying, “I don’t wanna fall in love.”
When truth be told
That’s exactly what I want
And I give and I give and I give
Until there’s nothing left of me
And I remain I remain I remain
In this static state of existence
In which I can’t move forward
And I can’t go backwards
I’m just stuck
In limbo
Festering and wallowing
In self-pity and regret
Thinking and thinking and thinking
How can I reinvent myself
So that I can go forward
But nothing comes to mind
Because I am who I am
And I can’t change that
Every flaw, every insecurity, every bad habit
That is only a part of the sum
Of who I am
To change that is to erase me
And I kinda like me
But the me as I am
Can’t seem to accomplish the smallest of tasks
Such as socialization
Because people are strange to me
Strange people in a strange world doing strange things
People say what they don’t mean
And their actions contradict their feelings
It’s like we’re all wearing this mask
It’s like we’re all actors on stage
And I can’t figure out what’s real and what’s fake
And I’m left with this bitterness
Festering, growing, destroying
The me that I like
Because people lie
And they manipulate
And they just…. Are… maybe… a bit… selfish
The honesty that I bring forward
Terrifies intimidates
But I lay it all on the table
I hide nothing
I give everything
And I get nothing
And I feel left in this static state
And I want to blame God
I want to point my finger up to heaven
And say, “Hey, Master of All, you betrayed me.”
Am I Your Job?
I ‘m so pathetic, God, I’m so pathetic….
Ah, where’s my vodka?

Author: Raymonda

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