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Today, I was tagged on Facebook by a friend letting me know that was a psychic fair happening at a local coffee shop that caters to those into the spirituality. So, since I wasn’t doing anything I decided to go.

I had a tarot reading while I was there. The tarot reader was quite good. She didn’t ask me anything, but she pulled the cards and read a situation close to my life.

I’m at a crossroads in life – I’m so tired of nursing. Don’t get me wrong – I love my job and my residents. But I feel so wore down, so unenthusiastic. I wake up and wonder, ‘Why am I doing this?’ You see so many people on the internet – all these social media darlings – telling you to follow your passion.

It sounds really good when you’re 18 and still living with your parents and have no responsibilities. But, follow your passion is not as easy when you have children to care for, and bills to pay. It’s not so easy when you’re day job is so mentally draining that when you finally get home you just want to sleep and when you’re off, you just want to be a zombie.

My passion isn’t so easy – it’s not coding or designing websites (though I do like to do that as a hobby). It’s writing.

I love to write. I love to craft stories, to create characters and worlds. But writing doesn’t pay the bills.

Oh, I did try that freelance writing hogwash. And it’s NOT fun at all. It’s a lot of work, it’s a lot emails sent hundreds of people with maybe 5 people replying, and only 1 following up. And one client does not pay the bills. It’s finding a client and praying they’re honest and will pay as agreed.

It’s about networking with people you know. But I, a lowly nurse, don’t know any bigwig clients that need writers. And, to be honest, I don’t really like non-fiction writing – you know, writing about stuff like SEO, marketing, advertising, and social media. It’s boring!

It makes me want to pull my hair out! I know it’s important and I know there are people who will find that information useful, but it’s so boring to write. It’s like having to write a research paper for a college class you hate.

But follow my passion they say.

Make a choice they say.

Figure it out they say.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do with my career now. I’m thinking about taking a break from nursing, but to do what, I have no idea.

The only thing that I am sure of at the moment is that I want to get back to doing the things that made me happy, that made me smile. Writing was one of things – I never got paid for any of my fictional works, but it still makes me happy to write.

Author: Raye